Sorry
by NettieC
Summary: This is a oneshot, Harm blows it big time and Mac needs to decide whether it's worth changing her life over.  It's the General's ultimatum which forces her hand.  Inspired by the song 'Sorry'. Read and Review if you please.  Thanks!


**The characters are not mine, neither is the song. I just mixed them together and 'Hey Presto' another FF. **

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**JAG HQ**

**Tuesday 1312**

Mac sat at her desk fuming, had she been in a comic strip little wisps of steam would have been coming from her ears and her face would be beet red. As it was she was a Marine Colonel in a foul mood and that was obvious enough to everyone.

After giving her some time and space to calm down, Bud was the first one to venture into her office. Given the welcome he knew he'd receive and the fact her office door had been slammed shut, Bud would have much rather have been going into dental surgery without novocaine but he had to go in.

He rapped on the door nervously and waited.

'Enter,' Mac yelled.

Bud opened the door, stepped inside and closed it behind him. 'Mac, can we talk for a minute, please?' he asked, not daring to sit down unless instructed.

'What could we possibly have to talk about, Commander Roberts?' Mac said coolly.

_Oooh, _he cringed, _this isn't going to be easy. _'About this morning's events.'

'I have nothing to say to _you, _unless of course it was _your_ doing. Did you know that was _HIS_ plan?'

'No Mac, I didn't.'

'Do you agree with what _HE_ did?'

'Well, it's not something I'd have done myself…'

'Did _you_ agree with what _he_ did, Commander Roberts?'

Bud considered his options. To agree with Harm's antics in court that morning might put his life in jeopardy in this office, to disagree would show a lack of unity with co-council, something which could be used to his detriment at a later stage.

'Well?' Mac was standing behind her desk.

'Commander Rabb got the case thrown out, that was in our client's best interest, so I guess I do.'

'Even though I was made to look like a complete and utter fool?'

'That wasn't his aim.'

'It wasn't? Are you sure? He did a bloody good job of it.'

Bud took a deep breath; he couldn't remember the last time he'd heard Mac swear.

'It was an unfortunate consequence of our argument,' he finally said.

'Unfortunate? Unfortunate?' she yelled. 'I looked like a goddamned idiot. I'm surprised Admiral Jones didn't fall off the bench in hysterics.'

'Mac, really, it wasn't that bad. I think…' Bud began but regretted his choice of words instantly.

'It wasn't that bad?' What bloody courtroom were you in? Hey? Which one, Commander?'

Bud could think of nothing to say that would not inflame the situation further. 'Look Mac, I'm sorry it's come to this, I really am,' he said sadly and left.

By the time Harm finished talking to his client and returned to the office Mac had gone. Harm, unaware of Bud's run in with Mac, knocked on his door.

'How are you doing, Bud?' Harm asked smiling.

'Alright, thanks,' he replied with little warmth.

'Thanks for your work with this case. We wrapped it up easily though, so that was good.'

'You think?' Bud asked getting up and shutting the door.

'Yeah, don't you? I mean when we first got this case I had no idea how we'd fight it but it all fell into place.'

'Fell into place? Is that how you'd phrase it?'

'Yeah, I would. Bud, do you have a problem with the way I ran this case?'

'Yes, I do. I think we could have done it another way. I mean you made Mac look quite inept.'

'Maybe I was a bit tough but…'

'A bit? I think it was more than that.'

'Well, I don't and I don't think Mac will see it that way either.'

'Think again, Harm. To say Mac was annoyed with this morning's events would be a massive understatement.'

'Really?' asked Harm surprised, he knew he'd pushed the issue but didn't think he'd gone too far.

'Really!'

'Is Mac upset with me?'

'With us and it's more than upset. To put it frankly, I'd say Colonel Sarah MacKenzie is totally and utterly bloody pissed off with both of us.'

Harm leaned back on the door, he had never heard Bud swear in all the years he had known him, never.

'Did I go too far?' he asked quietly.

'Yep,' said Bud sitting back in his chair.

'How do we fix it?'

'Don't ask me, I tried to talk to her earlier and I thought she was going to explode.'

'Oooh,' said Harm, his stress levels rising.

'Let me warn you that if you go and talk to her you're taking your life in your own hands.'

'Oooh,' Harm repeated.

By the time Harm squared away his desk Mac had still not returned. He called past her office and left a note that simply said 'Call me.'

'Not much point, sir,' said Jen from the doorway.

'Why not?' asked Harm.

'Colonel MacKenzie has gone for the day and won't be back til Monday.'

'Why not?'

'Colonel MacKenzie went to see the General this afternoon and the next thing I knew she was on leave until Monday.'

'Do you know what leave? Recreation? Sick Leave?'

'No, sir.'

'Thanks Petty Officer,' Harm said, screwing up the note and tossing it into the trash can.

'Anytime, sir,' Jen said and took a few steps away before turning back.

'Yes, Petty Officer?'

'Um, oh, nothing,' she turned away again.

'What is it, Petty Officer?' Harm asked, walking behind her.

'No, nothing, sir.'

'Yes, it is, I can tell.'

'Well, there is something, sir, but you always say how I should, how do you put it, _limit my involvement in other people's business.'_

'I do say that, don't I? Has it got something to do with Mac?'

'Yes sir, everything.'

'Tell me.'

**Thursday 1036**

Harm sat at his desk shuffling papers. He had a mound of paperwork but he felt somewhat unsettled and distracted. He had tried for the best part of the last 48 hours to talk to Mac. He had left countless messages on her home and cell phones to no avail.

He considered dropping by the night before but given Mac wouldn't return his calls he felt a face to face meeting could be dangerous to his health. He picked up the Flintoff file, the case which caused the problems, and thought for the hundredth time that, while he'd gotten his client off, there was probably a better way to have done it. As time ticked by he regretted more and more what his actions may have cost him.

The intercom buzzed and jolted him out of his thoughts; the General wanted him and wanted him now. When Harm reached the General's office Bud was already there, standing at attention. The General let them stand a while longer before standing them at ease.

'Now,' he began, coming out from behind his desk. 'On Tuesday afternoon when Colonel MacKenzie stood right where you are now and spoke of the morning's events, I thought that she may have been overreacting a little. We've all been under a lot of pressure lately and, given her state of mind, I consented to her request for a few days leave, reasoning that everyone could cool down and evaluate things in a more rational manner. As you are aware, yesterday I was out all day at the conference in DC, can you imagine my surprise when, over lunch, Admiral Jones asked me if all my officers behaved in such an acrimonious manner? She said, and I quote 'while their legal arguments were by the book and could not be faulted, the fact they systematically attacked and belittled the prosecution, for, at one stage, seemed their own pleasure, was at the least unprofessional and at the most quite detrimental to Colonel MacKenzie.'

The General looked from one to the other, neither one dared to move, they were barely breathing. 'So,' he continued. 'It was of little surprise when I got in this morning to find this on my desk.' The General snatched a piece of paper from his desk and thrust it at Harm. Harm quickly read it, his eyes widening in dismay. He passed it to Bud, Bud was stunned.

'What do you two have to say for yourselves?'

Neither answered.

'I am one JAG lawyer down, do you know how hard it's going to be to find a replacement, let alone someone of Colonel MacKenzie's calibre? And we're not just talking about a temporary replacement, we need a goddamn permanent one,' he yelled.

He drew a deep breath. 'Now, **I** am not going to ask the Colonel to change her mind. **I** will not ask her to work in an environment where she is not comfortable and **I** will not ask her to work with people who seem to have such little respect for her personally or professionally.' With that, he sat back down at his desk and went back to his paperwork.

Harm and Bud stood there a while longer not knowing what to do. They hadn't been dismissed nor did now seem the right time for a conversation. Nearly ten minutes passed before Harm spoke. 'Excuse me, General.'

'What?'

'Was there anything else?'

'No, get out of here.'

'Aye, aye, sir,' they said in unison and turned to leave.

'Remember what I said,' he called. '**I** won't ask…but you can.'

Bud and Harm sat for a long while discussing any and all options they could think of but many hours later they were still none the wiser.

'Harm, it's late,' Bud finally said. 'I need to get home and see my wife; hopefully she'll actually speak to me tonight.'

'Harriet upset with you?'

'Not half as much as she is with you.'

'Oh,' Harm mumbled.

'Look Harm, I know why we did it but I really wish we hadn't. I think the cost is just way too high.'

Harm nodded sadly in agreement. 'Bud, I don't know how but I am going to fix it.'

**Mac's Apartment**

**Thursday 2005**

Harm knocked repeatedly on Mac's door but there was no answer. He was tempted to let himself in but decided this was inadvisable in the current climate. Instead he settled on sitting in the stairwell and awaiting her return. By 0100 she hadn't returned so Harm went home.

**JAG Headquarters**

**Friday 0900**

'Did you sort anything out?' Bud asked.

'Nope, she wasn't home.'

'Any idea where she is?'

'Nope.'

Bud shook his head and walked away.

Later on Harm appeared in Bud's doorway, 'Got a few minutes, Bud?'

'Yeah sure.'

Harm moved in and closed the door; he sat opposite Bud and tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair.

'So what's on your mind, Harm?'

'I think I have a plan. It's not a great one and by no means a solution but it's the only thing I can think of that will keep Mac at JAG.'

'I'm listening.'

**Roberts Residence**

**1515**

Bud had arrived home hours before he was expected. He hadn't been well all day although he didn't know whether he was truly ill or whether it was the emotional turmoil caused by the rift with Mac, either way the General had seen fit to dismiss him early and he hadn't objected. He didn't call Harriet because she was still unimpressed with his and Harm's performance in the Flintoff case.

Slowly Bud opened the door and was greeted by Jimmy rushing up to him.

'Hey kiddo,' he said scooping him up and kissing him. 'Where's mommy?'

Jimmy just giggled. Bud heard talking in the kitchen and went in.

'Hi Harriet,' he began brightly but his demeanour changed the moment he realised Mac was sitting at his kitchen table. 'Hi Mac,' he offered.

'Commander Roberts,' she replied coolly.

'Bud, what are you doing home so early? asked Harriet.

'The General sent me home sick.'

Harriet felt his forehead. 'You don't feel hot.'

'It's not that sort of sick.' He got himself a drink of water. 'How are you doing, Mac?' he asked leaning back on the bench.

'How do you think I'm doing?'

Bud grimaced; he didn't want this to be an antagonistic encounter. He considered his response carefully. 'Well,' he began slowly, 'I'd imagine that you are feeling pretty peeved at Harm and I. I'd imagine that you're probably feeling betrayed. You probably wonder what on earth you've done to deserve the crap you got and you probably don't want to see either one of us.'

'That about sums it up,' Mac said sadly.

'I can't apologise enough, Mac, I am just so very, very sorry.'

Harriet patted her husband's arm; she had never seen him so remorseful. Silence ensued.

'Bud, I accept your apology,' Mac finally said.

'You do? Why? Bud asked.

'Huh?'

'I mean, I'm grateful that you do but I guess I'm just surprised. I don't think I'll be forgiving myself for a while yet.'

'Well, I've had a couple of days to think about it and your part in it was minor. If I'm peeved, as you put it, with anyone it's Commander Rabb.'

'Harm has tried to call you. He is so sorry, Mac.'

'I got that from the 47 messages he's left.'

'Sorry is easy enough to say, Bud,' said Harriet.

'I don't think he's finding it easy at all. Look, nobody wants this situation to go on and on. I don't want to lose you, Mac, I don't want to lose Harm and I sure don't want to lose both of you.' Bud took his glass and walked out.

Bud was sitting in his recliner in the study, legs raised and eyes shut, hoping his sick headache would disappear once and for all. He heard a gentle tapping on the door.

'Sorry to interrupt, Bud,' Mac said quietly coming into the room and sitting on the sofa. 'I just need to clarify something.'

Bud nodded, opening his eyes.

'You said you didn't want to lose me or Harm or both of us. I am the one who requested a transfer, why would that mean you losing Harm or us both?'

Bud closed his eyes, his head pounding.

'Bud?'

'Harm went to the General this morning to see if he could buy us some more time to try and rectify this situation with you. The General informed him that there was an immediate three month TAD on the Watertower. They are screaming for a JAG and the General believed he couldn't hold out processing your request much longer. Harm informed him that, if push came to shove, the General was to transfer him and not you.'

'Why? Why would he do that?'

'Because this is his fault, he feels so bad. Harm doesn't know how to make things right but he does know that you shouldn't have to lose everything because of it.

Mac sat back on the sofa with little idea as to what she should do next.

'What are you thinking, Mac?' asked Harriet who had heard it all from the doorway.

'I honestly don't know, Harriet.'

Over dinner, Harriet asked the same question again but this time Mac had a different response.

'I guess I have to decide what I want all this to mean. I have known Harm for so very long and I've seen him pull these stunts before and they have never caused me to request a transfer. It's probably that this time I am on the receiving end of it and …' her voice trailed off.

'And…and what, Mac?' prompted Harriet.

'I guess I thought he l…' again she stopped.

'You thought that he loved you and therefore wouldn't treat you this way?' asked Harriet.

Mac shrugged, that about summed it up.

'Well, I know this whole episode can't mean nothing, I guess you just have to figure out whether you want it to mean everything.'

**Mac's Apartment **

**2257**

Mac had driven home with Harriet's last words ringing loudly in her ears. It was true she had thought Harm loved her and that was probably why his antics had a greater sting to them. However, it was the last thing Harriet had said which left her in the biggest turmoil. She knew she couldn't and she wouldn't let this episode be brushed under the carpet, Harm had hurt her and hurt her deeply. And she knew had it happened to anyone else or by anyone else she would be over it by now. And she knew that if she was transferred and couldn't see Harm everyday her life would be far emptier.

As she neared home, Mac turned on the radio for some company. It took all of five minutes for her thoughts to go rushing back to Harm. Bud had said that he wasn't finding saying sorry easy at all.

_What have I got to do to make you love me  
What have I got to do to make you care  
What do I do when lightning strikes me  
And I wake to find that you're not there_

_What do I do to make you want me  
What have I got to do to be heard  
What do I say when it's all over  
And sorry seems to be the hardest word_

_It's sad, so sad  
It's a sad, sad situation  
And it's getting more and more absurd  
It's sad, so sad  
Why can't we talk it over  
Oh it seems to me  
That sorry seems to be the hardest word_

_What do I do to make you love me  
What have I got to do to be heard  
What do I do when lightning strikes me  
What have I got to do  
What have I got to do  
When sorry seems to be the hardest word_

She trudged up to her apartment and stopped at the landing, there sitting on the top step, leaning against the wall, sound asleep was Harm. She sat beside him and stroked his head. 'Harm,' she said quietly, 'Wake up.'

Slowly his eyes fluttered opened and he smiled to see her beside him.

'Oh Mac, I am so sorry,' he said taking he hand and kissing it. 'I never meant for this to be the outcome, I just got carried away.'

Mac nodded, in her heart she had known it all along.

'I tried to call you and I left messages and I even came over yesterday …'

'I wasn't home.'

'I noticed.'

'Are you going to come in?' Mac asked standing.

'Am I welcome?' he asked before moving.

'Yeah.'

Mac placed their coffee cups on the kitchen table and sat down beside him. Harm picked up his cup and fiddled with it before placing it back on the table without drinking any.

'Something wrong with the coffee?' she asked.

'No, the coffee's fine. It's me?'

'What's wrong?'

'I feel sick.'

'You don't feel hot,' she said putting her hand to his forehead.

'It's not that sort of sick.'

Mac smiled, those were Bud's same words when he had arrived home early.

'What sort of sick is it?'

'It's this whole mess, Mac. I don't think I can say sorry enough, I never intended to hurt you.'

'I know that.'

'Why request a transfer then?' he asked taking her hand.

'Because I just wanted to get away from all this.'

'All this what?'

'Whatever this is,' she said gesturing to him and her. 'You do things that make me so damn mad that I want to strangle you or clear off.'

'I don't mean too, I just can't help it.'

'I'm beginning to realise that. So why'd you request a transfer?'

'How did you know?'

'Doesn't matter how, why'd you request it?'

'This is your home, your friends, your life. Just because I was stupid doesn't mean you should lose it all. I thought it was the least I could do.'

Mac smiled and tilted her head, true, this was her home and her friends were here too but he was her life and she could no longer deny it. She took his face in her hands and drew him close, gently she kissed his lips.

'If you ever pull a stunt like this again, Flyboy, you're a dead man,' she whispered.

'Does that mean you forgive me?' he asked hopefully.

'No, you have a lot of ground to make up before I even begin to think about forgiving you.'

'So, why the kiss?' Harm asked confused.

'Because I would rather you be here and be mad at you than have you sailing in the Pacific.'

'Huh?'

'I rang the General on my way home and retracted my transfer request and yours along with it and he put things bluntly, to say the least.'

'What did he say?' Harm said, pulling back in surprise.

'Major General Cresswell said, and I quote, 'Mac, completely off the record, this situation with you and Rabb is getting out of control. You need to get over him, get under him or get on with it. Enough is enough'.'

Harm's face dropped. 'The General said that?'

'Yep.'

'And this kiss was which part of it?'

'I haven't decided,' she smiled. Mac already knew the answer, she could never get over him, she had long wanted to be under him and this was her attempt to get on with it and finally develop this relationship into something else. She kissed him again.


End file.
